Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. Today, I'm in the kitchen in London with Mr. Tom Wrigglesworth.

I've got a feature for you. / Oh / one of your famous features / ladies / one / wrong end / phrase / thought that counts / hang on a minute / what happened was / everyone / talked / wife / she / anti-biotics / No, she didn't ... no. Um ... / that's a shame / link / back / conversation / was / It's the thought that counts / made / ginger lemon honey hot drink / standard / boiled / ginger / obviously / you boiled / ginger / that's / I / wrong / what / just / for as long as you can / Oh, heck. / Huh, yeah / I told / I don't do that because / ginger / baby / quite serious. / I'll tell you / I'll tell you / I'm deadly serious / I know / flippant / fell into / I did fall into / hot / mother / ginger root things / boiling / washing line or something / neglect essentially / standard parent neglect, you know / you fell / I fell in. I fell in. I was / something / growing up / I fell into a big bowl of it / I mean ... I was a baby, right? / sometimes / memories / isn't that great / I probably remember this wrongly. But I can remember seeing my mother doing a washing line / on / like / kitchen unit / climbed up, got in it / my memory of it / is / me, as a baby, sort of, floating around in a ... in a bowl of sc__ing, uh, water. ... My memory / s__ing around / around ... looking around / remember / hospital / s__ clothes / Really? / you were burnt / burnt / And you reckon / ginger in there? / Yeah. ... Having said that, the only thing I'm not sure about / I haven't asked my parents. I'll check. / Well, / could do / anyway, back to the honey-ginger / correct way without being tormented as a child / wrongly / yeah / r__n a bath / yeah / ran a for her of for you? / got, like, uh, / something / shelving unit / but / beautifully / top / Very dangerous. Don't do that at home. / book's all right / or / laptop / we've lost, uh ... we've lost a tablet computer. / Have you? / one / really useful / Don't do this at home, kids. Don't balance / bath / candles / bathroom / bubble / everything was ready / a play list ha__ been compiled. / Was there a man in a corner in a little pair of pants / you know / a fan / big fan / big leaf / 召使が大きな葉っぱみたいな団扇であおいだりするのか / everything / very grateful. Um ... one slight problem / Yeah? / The bath was stone cold. / Oh. / Stone cold / what happened / came / first five seconds / and then / feature you wanna launch is, "Have you ever run out of hot water / 君は温水をきらしたことはあるか？ / no / with sad eyes / it's the thought that counts / 君は「気持ちだけでうれしいから」と言われたことがあるか / Huh. ... I don't know. / your feature / I like it

we've been talking / I have no faith in / you never do / until / that is not true. That is not true. Take that back immediately. / そんなことはない。今言ったことを取り消せ。 / your feature / you sometimes don't / radio p__ / lot / times / faith / I've got no faith in this one / I bet / pound / conventional / feature / tragically wrong / name / tweeted / the initial name of the feature was, "Have you ever been on the receiving end of the phrase 'It's the thought that counts'" / "Yes, probably. / I / made a note of / occasions / haunted / lots of times / receiving end of the phrase "It's the thought that counts / I've never / radio / one day, if I / radio show / of the times / you / embarrassed / listen / I will give you a pound / right / nothing yet. I / update from the production team / Cardiff / it / slow-burner, possibly / just / s__ing hot tub of, uh, boiling ginger root and hot water, and, uh, be__ hospitalized / I'm not exactly sure / really happened / I definitely remember it happening / and / that / just / found / this / scientists pinpoint__ the age when childhood memories fade. Most adults struggle to recall / first few years of life. And now scientists / identified exactly when these childhood memories fade and / lost forever / a new study / child amnesia / early memories are forgotten / age of seven years old / why / lot / what happened / over a year earlier / these memories can persist / three years old / you can tell what / a few weeks ago or a few months ago, but, by the age of seven / forgotten them / reborn / most / children / can only recall 35% of their experiences from under the age of three. Bluh bluh bluh bluh bluh ... Basically, did I fall in a big bath of ginger or not? I don't know. / mean / nice little feature / better than your feature / let's have a ... let's have a / yours / receiving end of the phrase "It's the thought that counts." ... Oh, dear. ...And mine, which __ superative feature, is, "Have you got any childhood memories that / all your life / thinking / but actually you're not 100% sure. / You might / just / invented / name / god knows. Who knows? / I ... I / Who knows? / I have a memory of, uh, going to / hospital / my stomach pumped / Did it happen? / stomach pumped / I was ... I was ... / finger / no. I was / my parents feared that I drank a bottle of __ __ spirit / sorry, I should not have laughed. That was __ absolutely inappropriate response / drinking / my reaction there, I apologize, was absurd. / ... turns out that my grandad ... / it was just / fact / due to / smell on your breath / no, but / just / similar sort of, uh, thing ... and ... and then my parents panicked / __ __ __ __ __ __ other drinks are available / just in case / everything / for some reason, couldn't locate / __ __ spirit / __ and __ together / made 999. / That's unbelievable. ... So, / you didn't get / you didn't get your stomach pumped / how much / remember / didn't actually happen / I remember more / feeling of panicking / what's going on / fine / just / others are available / Others are available / not quite as good / no / Don't do it, kids. ... I, for example ... this is one. This is one for my own feature / count this / one-nil / taking / as well / two-nil / Tom / no contribution / receiving end of the phrase "It's the thought that counts" / my feature / childhood memory / happened / I've got another one / three / preemptively. 3-0. / I can remember moving into our new / house / yet / four / I remember it clearly / remember / the guy handed over the keys / previous owner / remember / greeting / as he ... as he left / I remember / walk into / house / carried / 4 months old / chatting / I remember looking over the surveyor's reports. ... I remember highlighting some areas I / look at that / I remember ... I remember thinking / it's a nice house / bowl of steaming ginger / hazzard / that's __ accident waited to happen.

have / before / I can smell a feature / right. So, this is / feature / this is desparate / this is not desparate / even the listeners / "Oh god. Not another one." / Have you ever seen ... / nothing / first one / have / I'm just / piece of paper / Tom / Feature 2 / I reckon / the guy is called Andy / Oh my god / guess / the day before / goofy guy / you know / shirt / ()tucked / I thought / no / Andy / doesn't sound like an Andy at all. / Why not? / goofy / had a tie on / top / all over the place, you know / I see what you mean / I reckon / he came / nice to meet you. I'm Andy / thought / I knew it. I absolutely knew it. ... Have you ever ... / Oh, Tom ... / have you ever / name / have you ever met / knew / Tom's second feature / desparate, ladies and gentlemen / be / at home, you / be / head in your hand / back / head in your hands / Tom 1 ... / Tom 2nd Feature: Have you / name in advance / called that / you're not gonna / anything / Tom / one / your two features / have another go / another feature. Go on. /

bloke here in ... uh ... / where is he? / in New Delhi / collected / 14,000 pencils / from / boxes / story / curious enough ... / yeah / to find out / to be fair, if I was a young journalist / sent to India / thousand / big report / guy / count / how many of them are colored pencils / see / pie charts. / Would you? / wanna know / rubber-tipped / might / souvenir-style pencils / massive ones / "Edinburgh" on it / 14,000 pencils, statistically, one of / stick / innit / call__ / that? / it's not / middle / no / way / twist / day / where / you / hear that / propelling or regular / propelling or fixed / I've never heard anyone say propelling or fixed / pencil / never / architects / 建築家にきいてみなよ / schoolboy / pal / a 15-year-old schoolboy in New Delhi / who claims his collection / been verified by, uh ... by / Guiness / stand there / St__er / other pencils are available / I don't think / pencil / collection / depends on how loose / only to be / somebody says / largest / I don't think that including / presses where Beatles' records were made / well, uh, exactly. So, uh ... I don't know / tallest man / on the roof / oh yeah / mean / it was a bit like that. ... Have you been to / been / there / let out / pencils / yeah / I don't know / really thin / a mystery to me. ... Cardboard cutouts ..." / nice story / this show / cardboard cutouts / I love / I love / cardboard / real-life doctor and nurse / huh / confusing sentence / cardboard / cutout / real-life / this isn't / horrible story about / NHS / in turmoil / it is not / horrible / might have implications / service stations / and / cardboard cutout / in the window / work / this is exactly the same theory / feel better / exactly the same theory / No. More than that / more empirical / finish / real-life / think of / implications of this / cardboard cutout / same story / police in petrol stations / driving off ... / Yeah, / ... without paying for / petrol / policeman / reminded of the police / some subconscious level / pointing to fresh fruit / pointing to fresh fruit / Huh. / where / look at that / in M__'s ... other supermarkets are available / 20% rise in sales of fresh fruits and veg / Greater Manchester / pointing / do / real-life cardboard cutout / doctor / put him in my bathroom / and have it point / make sure I finish the course / picture of a graduate student / finished / in universities / people / bedroom / what / call / scroll of paper / to encourage / study hard / board / implications are endless, aren't they? / Yeah yeah yeah. / doctor / normal / clues / be in the props / カギは小道具にある。 / white coat / never were / I know / universal / cardboard cutout of / flip chart / I wouldn't think / is that a doctor / guy dressed as / think / be wearing / I think / cardboard cutout / just / you'd think / he looks like a GP. I bet his name is Andy / Dr. / pointing at bananas

"Hi / Tom / door / Tom / a bit of / think / a bit of a feature-off / お題で勝負 / today / Tom / pretty bad feature, which / titled / receiving / "It's the thought that counts / so far / example / and then one other listener / two points. / Correct. / I then launched / supurb feature / immediately / what childhood memories have you got that / clearly / dying out / stories / true / my initial example / yeah / already / three / in / me / second / in desparation, which was, "Have you ever / bloke / name / Andy / applicable / Andy / that is very important / best / nothing / they say their / Keith / Andy / got nothing / he's desparate / desparation radio. / Station Desperado. You're listening to Station Desperado / tweet / second / I don't / you / said / she's got / cousin of hers / friend / someone / who / so weird / they've got two sons / different women / different moms / two / a man out there / different / police / both sons are called Colm / does / man out there / both / yeah / that / second woman / must have said / yeah / kind of / shared his life with two different / times / two / called them both Colm / that is like ... that is like, uh ... that's like / billions / or something / like / isn't / is that strange? / I think / weird / maybe / person / Junior / he / the only on / Colm Junior Major and Minor / Minor / really / must have insisted / previous / this / Christmas / family / on the telly / must be / chaos / I'm not sure how that fits / either of your features / interesting / distract / competition / side / this show is not about / Tom / side / I am about to go / up / up / almost / beyound reach / I would argue / hi / even sure / happened / rich / I have a vivid memory / well / being woken up early / handed / telephone / being wished happy birthday / in the middle of the night / young / email / story for 25 years. I recently asked my parents / book / didn't / that never happened / really like / 5-2 / out / know / moment / good story / imagine a situation / says / mom / phone / andy / sparkling anecdote / good / dinner / say / dining / suggest / does / suggest / enjoying that story / he doesn't ... he doesn't mean / story / you / if / good enough / dinner / means / too literally / all right / Tom's third feature / sayings that / aren't true / sayings / far / good / too / that's fine / dining out on a story / suggest / me / so good / people / does / don't / just / enjoying it / know / telling / story / honestly / sayings / literally / something like that

from / not a hair-dresser / hair / I don't know / back / hospital / after I was born / trafic / like / idea / been / as / remember / anything / out / wade / love / car / not / not / wasn't / working / seeing / first / first / journey / cause / watson / names / well / sure / have / bit / half / know / this / half / Emma / tweeted / @rhodgilbertshow / music / she / often / instrument / kind / see / basoon / basist / maybe, actually / bit / like / very / gesture / permanently on a slant / 45 / met / recently / long / willowy / very / long straight hair / didn't / wafted along / floated along / willowy / fair / was her name Hovercraft? / something / sort / Heather / rainbow / something / I / instrument / someone / stranger / plays / harp / I am a harpist / funny / name / It is the thought that counts / down / 9 / everything / dining / features / in / party or something / play / yeah / honestly / should / the way / body moved / this / level / other / obvious / as / long / massive / any / tube / get / yeah / always / I don't think / do / long / arms / certain length / violin players / short / play / chin / too long / neck / half way down the violin

me / versus / feature-off / 9 / subject / ten / convinced / circus show from within the womb / impossible / points / glad / until now / all / boom / 9-4 / memory / watchinng / interesting. / psychiatrist's dream / get on / not / Tom / email / mean / no / concept / master / think / clown / placenta / sorry / everyone / horrible / yes / old / circus

live / 11

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